Wednesday, December 9, 2020

Fear and Shame


Dealing with shame and the fear of death.

~~~ Watch the Video ~~~


  • 2 Corinthians 11:3

  • Genesis 3:1-7

  • Genesis 3:8-10

  • Genesis 3:10-13

  • Romans 6:4-9

  • 1 Corinthians 15: 42-45


  • Review

  • Their Eyes Were Opened

  • Shame

  • Fear of Death

  • Jesus is the Answer

We are born with only two fears

What do you think they are?

  1. the fear of falling 

  2. the fear of loud sounds

-- (What is the science behind fear?)

The biggest fears

  1. Public Speaking

  2. Death

Joke: funeral

  • To be publicly shamed

2 Corinthians 11:3

 3But I am afraid that, as the serpent deceived Eve by his craftiness, your minds will be led astray from the simplicity and purity of devotion to Christ.

Today we will look at fear and shame.


Defining Wholeness

Wholeness is about being _______ healthy

  • spiritually

  • emotionally

  • mentally

Dealing with life’s current stresses and also being healed from past experiences/wounds 

Traits of Wholeness

  1. Authenticity 

  2. Honesty

  3. Not seeking external approval / validation 

  4. Living by values and principles 

  5. Kindness

  6. Setting Boundaries

  7. Living with Purpose and Passion

  8. Optimism 

  9. Confidence

  10. Healthy relationships with both genders

  11. Not losing control of your emotions

  12. Free from addictions

  13. Addressing Conflict

  14. Vulnerability 

  15. Non Judgemental 

  16. Not jealous

    1. Genuinely applaud the success of others

  17. Forgive those who have wronged you in the past

  18. Accept That God loves you as you are

  19. Not afraid to fail

  20. Free from irrational fear, worry, and anxiety 

  21. Selfless encounters with others

    1. You don’t give to get

  22. Not manipulating others trying to control their actions/reactions

    1. Guilt tripping

    2. Omitting information

  23. Empathetic

    1. You genuinely care about how others feel

Previous Lessons

Their Eyes Were Opened

Can’t cover everything about Adam and Eve

Genesis 3:1-7

1Now the serpent was more crafty [aruwm] than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said to the woman, “Indeed, has God said, ‘You shall not eat from any tree of the garden’?” 2The woman said to the serpent, “From the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat; 3but from the fruit of the tree which is in the middle of the garden, God has said, ‘You shall not eat from it or touch it, or you will die.’” 4The serpent said to the woman, “You surely will not die! 5“For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” 6 When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate. 7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked [eyrom]; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loin coverings.

Good for food 

  • Lust of the flesh

  • Physical 

Delight to the eyes 

  • Lust of the eyes

  • Emotional 

Desirable to make one wise

  • Pride of life

  • Mental



subtle, shrewd, crafty, sly, sensible

  • Passive participle of aram 


  • to be subtle, be shrewd, be crafty, beware, take crafty counsel, be prudent

Eyrom (arowm)


  • Root word is aram

The serpent was the only conscious (arun) creature around

  • After Adam and Eve ate they became arun 

aruwm =  hidden agenda

eyrom = nothing is hidden at all

  •  it’s naked

  • … all laid out on the table

Who Will You Listen To?

Did Adam and Eve understand the difference between bad and good before they ate the fruit?

  • They understood that it was bad to eat the fruit

Animals obey their instinct

  • Adam and Eve were previously obeying God only

  • The serpent exposed them to another options

Every day we have to choose who we listen to

  • God

  • Our own rational and logic

  • The world

  • The serpent

Their Eyes Were Opened

What does it mean that Adam and Eve’s eyes were opened?  

  •  they could already physically see


  • It means that they became aware of the existence of evil 

Once they ate from the fruit the conscious became aware of something that it was never supposed to be aware of.  

They became self conscience 

Now they became overly concerned about what was wrong with themselves

Who has ever been concerned with what other people think about you?

What are things people will do when they are self conscious?

  • Take too long do get dressed

  • Don’t go to an event because people might not like them

Symptoms of unhealthy self-conscious emotions:

  • responding to embarrassment with anger and hostility

  • avoiding social experiences

  • blame others for your mistakes

  • feeling responsible for wrongs made against yourself

  • having low self-esteem

  • experiencing agitation, anxiety, depression, or nervousness

Wholeness Measure

“ when you don’t need counseling you will say whatever you feel… Because what you feel is correct“

  • You don’t say something you regret

You don’t have to think...

  • Don’t curse them out

  • Don’t say that embarrassing thought 

  • Don’t say that sinful thought.

  • That sounds selfish

Your thoughts will be in alignment with your actions


Genesis 3:8-10

 8They heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden. 9Then the LORD God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?” 10He said, “I heard the sound of You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid myself.”

They hid because they were naked

  • They became ashamed

The opposite of pride is not humility 

What is the opposite of pride?    

  • It’s shame 

Pride says 

  • I have a certain standard 

  • I deserve a certain standard

Example: the Pharisees

  • Set a higher standard

  • Were proud because they claimed to meet the standard

  • Felt they were better than those who didn’t meet the standard

The standard for success:

  • Being married 

  • Having an expensive car

  • Having my kids at this school

  • Living in this zip code

  • Wearing these clothes

  • Doing my quiet time

  • Not sinning

  • Being a millionaire

  • Being a Christian

  • Voting for the right candidate

  • Marrying into the right family

  • Exercising

  • Not eating meat

  • Saving the environment

  • Dating a 10

  • Marrying a doctor


Pride and shame have the same standard. 

  • Pride says I see myself as achieving that standard. 

  • Shame says I didn't achieve that standard.


  • I did/am it    

  • Or I’m deserving of it


  • I didn’t do it 

  • I’m not worthy of it


You can hold someone else to a standard that you didn’t achieve

  • Example dating criteria

Example: Imposter syndrome

Guilt vs Shame

Guilt is the objective reality of being liable to punishment because of something we’ve done. 

Shame is the subjective feeling of being worthless because of who we are. 

“I did something wrong” vs “I am something wrong”

Moral Compass

Guilt can be good

Feeling guilt when we sin is a good and godly and healthy response. 

Example: guilt when cheating on your relationship


Those in shame have a tendency to hide; to create walls of protection behind which they hope no one will see the true you. They are terrified that their true self will be seen and known and rejected by others. So they put on a false face, they adopt a personality or certain traits that they think others will find acceptable. They are convinced that if someone were to see them for who they really are, they’d be repulsed and disappointed. So they are led to be less than their true self. They deliberately stifle whatever strengths they have. They say to themselves: “Whatever I do, don’t want to be vulnerable. It’s dangerous.”

Ideal you / Bad you

Ideal you 

I should 

  • Forgive

  • Treat people like Jesus would

  • Share the gospel

  • Not be addicted

  • Not get angry and lose control

  • Be in control of my emotions

  • Not be anxious

  • Be married right now

  • Be in a better financial condition

  • Stop cursing

Response to Shame

How do people respond to shame?

Performing / Achieving

The ideal you is the you that is behaving and performing. 

Run to God

Our response to shame is often to run

  • You run to religious thing

  • We go to church

Run From God

Some people will run from God

Give up

Turn to Addictions

Shame is a gateway emotion

  • Anger

  • Pornography

  • Alcohol

  • Shopping 

  • Eating

Mad at Self

We get mad because we aren’t doing what we should be doing

Origins of Shame

Sometimes you have to go back and deal with the things of the past

Something Must be Wrong With Me

As a child..


  • were abused

  • abandoned

  • neglected

  • ashamed

  • used

  • smothered

  • controlled

  • objectified

Some of these messages were communicated overtly by parents who had no concerns for the child’s welfare. Some were communicated indirectly by caring parents who themselves were too young, overwhelmed, or distracted to provide a nurturing environment for their child.  At times, these messages were communicated by circumstances that were beyond anyone’s control.

In every situation a child would believe these events and circumstances were telling a story about him/her. He believed there was something about him that caused these things to happen. 

Using childlike logic s/he concluded, 

there must be something wrong with me because…

  • When I cry, no one comes

  • Mom gets that look on her face

  • Dad left and didn’t come back

  • Mom has to do everything for me

  • Dad yells at me

  • I’m not perfect like mom and dad

  • I’m not perfect like my siblings

  • I can’t make mom happy

I’m only good enough / lovable when ...

  • I’m different from dad

  • Mom needs me

  • I don’t make any mistakes

  • I make good grades

  • I’m happy

  • I’m not like my brother

  • I don’t cause anyone any problems

  • I make mom and dad happy

internalize the same belief

 – it was a bad or dangerous thing for me to be just who I am

Healing Exercise

What messages that were communicated by your family seem to imply that you weren’t OK just as you were?

Fear of Death

Genesis 3:10-13

10He said, “I heard the sound of You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid myself.”

 11And He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” 12The man said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me from the tree, and I ate.” 13 Then the LORD God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?” And the woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”

Adam and Eve became vulnerable to:

  • Sickness and disease

  • Falling 

  • Inclimate weather

  • Attack from animals

They became afraid

Big fears

  • Spiders

  • Snakes

  • Falling

  • Claustrophobia

  • Embarrassment

They became mortal

  • They became conscious of their own mortality.   

  • They became afraid of death.

  • Fear of death is a consequence of the fall

  • This fear of death is now the background music that plays in the minds of humans

All animals now have a fear of death

Fear of Death

  • Predation or predator death 

    • anxiety is a form that arises when an individual harms another, physically and/or mentally.

  • Existential death 

    • anxiety stems from the basic knowledge that human life must end.

What are some things people do because they’re afraid of death?

  • Don’t go to church

  • Change diet

  • Write will

Christians and Death

The ancient Christians were fearless in the face of death

Story: Francis Chan

  • Ancient church was unstoppable

A study in 2010 showed that the more religious a person was the less they feared death

Romans 6:4-9

4Therefore we have been buried with Him through baptism into death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life. 5For if we have become united with Him in the likeness of His death, certainly we shall also be in the likeness of His resurrection, 6knowing this, that our old self was crucified with Him, in order that our body of sin might be done away with, so that we would no longer be slaves to sin; 7for he who has died is freed from sin.

      8Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, 9knowing that Christ, having been raised from the dead, is never to die again; death no longer is master over Him.

Jesus is the Answer

Adam and Eve were made in the image of God

  • God said: “it is good”

  • Adam was in an ideal state

  • But then they fell

  • It takes the rest of the Bible for humans to get that back

Man’s fall brought with it

  • Self consciousness 

  • Guilt / Shame

  • Fear

The enemy uses these tools against us 

  • We were never supposed to experience these feelings

Once they became conscious They realized they were vulnerable.  

  • They had to protect themselves from the world.  

  • Now that we’re conscious we can be terrified of the future.

They didn’t have to work to produce food before they fell

  • Lived like the birds of the air

They were like little children

A Childlike Faith

Adam was innocent so he could fulfill whatever desire he had immediately. 

  • There was no need for him to worry about the future. 

  • He did not have to work in order to produce food. 

  • Food was in an abundance. 

There was no need to fight others over resources because God would provide. 

  • Adam was secure in the knowledge that God would provide 

  • He had no worry about the future. 

  • He had no knowledge of his mortality or concern about the future. 

Jesus Came With the Solution

That is the state Jesus tells us we need to go back to. 

  • This is being like a child. 

  • Most children don’t grow up with the fear of whether or not they will eat tomorrow. 

  • They don’t concern themselves with how resources will come to be 

Jesus teaches

  • Don’t be worried about tomorrow

  • Don’t worry about what to eat or drink

  • Don’t worry about what you will wear

Jesus also came to

  • Defeat death

    • Now we can look forward to death

    • We are storing up riches in heaven

If we truly accept Jesus’s sacrifice and accept the grace of God then we can become free again

We lose these concerns:

  • Self consciousness 

    • Putting our identity in Jesus

  • Guilt and shame

    • And accepting God’s forgiveness of our sins

    • Stop trying to impress man

  • Fear of death

    • Accepting Eternal life

The goal is to get back to the state that we lost in the fall

We don’t have to be afraid anymore

Your value and identity are not determined by what others have said to you, about you, or perpetrated against you. 

  • Your value and identity are determined by who you are as an image-bearer and what Christ has done on your behalf.

You are...who God says you are

The Bible tells us that … We can be a child of God

We need to accept God’s

  • Sacrifice

  • Forgiveness

  • Identity as an image bearer

1 Corinthians 15: 42-45*

  42So also is the resurrection of the dead. It is sown a perishable body, it is raised an imperishable body; 43it is sown in dishonor, it is raised in glory; it is sown in weakness, it is raised in power; 44it is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body. If there is a natural body, there is also a spiritual body. 45So also it is written, “The first MAN, Adam, BECAME A LIVING SOUL.” The last Adam became a life-giving spirit.

Presenter: Michael Leadon



Touré Roberts

Secrets of Adam and eve

Rabbi Ted Falcon

No More Mr. nice guy

12 Rules of Life

Jordan Peterson

How the Holy Spirit Delivers You From Shame

The Naked Serpent

The Naked Serpent - He Walks With Us


Isaiah 41:10

10‘Do not fear, for I am with you;

            Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.

            I will strengthen you, surely I will help you,

            Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’

The Punishment

Genesis 3:14 - 24

14The LORD God said to the serpent,

            “Because you have done this,

            Cursed are you more than all cattle,

            And more than every beast of the field;

            On your belly you will go,

            And dust you will eat

            All the days of your life;

      15And I will put enmity

            Between you and the woman,

            And between your seed and her seed;

            He shall bruise you on the head,

            And you shall bruise him on the heel.”

16To the woman He said,

            “I will greatly multiply

            Your pain in childbirth,

            In pain you will bring forth children;

            Yet your desire will be for your husband,

            And he will rule over you.”

17Then to Adam He said, “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree about which I commanded you, saying, ‘You shall not eat from it’;

            Cursed is the ground because of you;

            In toil you will eat of it

            All the days of your life.

      18“Both thorns and thistles it shall grow for you;

            And you will eat the plants of the field;

      19By the sweat of your face

            You will eat bread,

            Till you return to the ground,

            Because from it you were taken;

            For you are dust,

            And to dust you shall return.”

      20Now the man called his wife’s name Eve, because she was the mother of all the living. 21The LORD God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife, and clothed them.

      22Then the LORD God said, “Behold, the man has become like one of Us, knowing good and evil; and now, he might stretch out his hand, and take also from the tree of life, and eat, and live forever”— 23therefore the LORD God sent him out from the garden of Eden, to cultivate the ground from which he was taken. 24So He drove the man out; and at the east of the garden of Eden He stationed the cherubim and the flaming sword which turned every direction to guard the way to the tree of life.

We Choose the Punishment

  • We die because we choose sin

  • A woman has pain in childbirth because she chooses it

  • A man has to suffer when working because he chooses it


  • We now have to till the ground

  • Delayed gratification

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