Friday, September 18, 2020

Mindsets That Will Change Your Life


The way you think is impacting the results you are getting in life.

-- Watch the Video --


  • 2 Corinthians  10:3-5
  • Mark 9:21-23
  • Psalms 23:1
  • 2 Corinthians 12: 9-11
  • Philippians 2:3-4
  • 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
  • Philippians 4:12
  • 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18


  • Review
  • Healthy Communication
  • Healthy Mindsets
  • Growth Mindset
  • Abundance Mindset
  • Adequacy Mindset
  • Selfless Mindset
  • Thankful Mindset
  • Worthy of God’s Love

2 Corinthians  10:3-5

3For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, 4for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. 5We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ,

Fortress: a castle or stronghold - figuratively argument

of the arguments and reasonings by which a disputant endeavors to fortify his opinion and defend it against his


Wholeness is about being

  • spiritually
  • emotionally
  • mentally


No longer negatively affects your

  • Perspective
  • decisions
  • Behavior
  • Responses
  • Expectations
  • Peace
  • Opinion

Wholeness is to be unbroken; having no cracks or missing parts.  Wholeness is the state of being complete.  

Wholeness is the highest and healthiest version of any person.  Wholeness is when your life today lines  up with what heaven and God foreknew about you.  It allows God to do in your life everything that He has been waiting on.  

When Jesus brought the Holy Spirit to earth, it allowed us to access a new level of living here on earth.    It’s not just about the absence of sin, but it’s about reaching a level of spiritual, emotional and mental completeness.

Being whole allows you to

  • Break generational curses
  • Love God
  • Love your neighbor as yourself

This is what we are striving for in this series.

Traits of Wholeness

  • Authenticity
  • Honesty
  • Not seeking external approval / validation
  • Living by Values and principles
  • Kindness
  • Setting Boundaries
  • Living with Purpose and Passion
  • Optimistism
  • Confidence
  • Healthy relationships with both genders
  • Don’t lose control
  • Free from addictions
  • Addressing Conflict
  • Vulnerability
  • Non-judgmental
  • Not jealous
  • Forgiving
  • Accept That God loves you as you are

Unhealthy Argument Styles

  • Defensiveness
  • Deflecting
  • Criticizing
  • Blaming
  • Stone Walling
  • Condescending
  • Poor listening
  • Harsh Words
  • Name Calling / Labeling
  • Contempt

Healthy Communication

Addendum to the Last Lesson

Nothing box

Women get stress lowered when talking

  • Serotonin
  • Introvert vs extrovert

Internal Processing

  • Internal processing people taking the information they process it like a computer and then they communicate it.
  • Need to think about how they feel about something


  • Set a meeting time
  • Tell them the topic
  • This gives the internal processor a chance to think about it
  • You may need to have multiple conversations across time before you have a good solid resolutions

External processors

  • External processors hear an idea, they start talking about it and  use people outside of them to process the information.  
  • An external processor makes their decisions as they talk to people.

Sweater Video

Biases in Our Communication

Healthy Mindsets

A mindset is a belief that orients the way we handle situations—the way we sort out what is going on and what we should do. Our mindsets help us spot opportunities, but they can also trap us in self-defeating cycles.

  • Growth Mindset
  • Versus fixed mindset
  • Abundance Mindset
  • vs Scarcity Mindset
  • Sufficiency
  • Focus on lack
  • Adequacy Mindset
  • vs Inadequacy
  • Am I Enough?
  • Selfless Mindset
  • vs self centered
  • Selfishness
  • Thankful Mindset
  • Mindset of gratitude
  • Worthy of God’s Love

Getting information at the right phase

Example: gym

  • One body part per day

Growth Mindset

Mark 9:21-23

21And He asked his father, “How long has this been happening to him?” And he said, “From childhood. 22“It has often thrown him both into the fire and into the water to destroy him. But if You can do anything, take pity on us and help us!” 23And Jesus said to him, “ ‘If You can?’ All things are possible to him who believes.”

Growth mindset believes that qualities like intelligence, talent  and abilities can be developed through practice and effort.

  • This develops a love for learning.

Fixed mindset believes that basic qualities like intelligence or talents are fixed traits.  

  • Some people have it and some don’t

Having a fixed mindset is the result of brokenness

Growth Mindset

  • Intelligence/competence can be developed
  • Embrace challenges as opportunities to learn
  • Self image is not tied to your external success
  • Not afraid to fail
  • Effort is the path to intelligence, growth and mastery
  • Celebrates their friends' success
  • Criticism is a source of information

Fixed Mindset

  • Says, “I am the way I am…”
  • Always concerned about image
  • Take the easy route
  • In order to avoid failing, they avoid challenges or quit
  • Negative feedback is seen as an insult
  • Feel threatened when their friends succeed
  • If we win because we are a winner then when we lose we must be a loser

Fixed mindset people believe they are in their position in life is because of their circumstances

  • Victim
  • Excuses

If they’re not succeeding they know exactly why:

  • They’re a woman in a patriarchal society
  • They’re a black man in a white male dominated world
  • They didn’t have a father
  • They came from the wrong neighborhood
  • They were raped as a child
  • They’re overweight
  • They’re not a good communicator
  • They’re short
  • They’re too unattractive
  • They're not rich
  • They had a child at a young age

Story: Officemate

  • Programming
  • Tennis
  • Wife

We can improve in most all areas of our life with effort:

  • Fitness / health
  • Finances / wealth
  • Dating and Relationships
  • Emotional Intelligence

Studies With Children

Psychologists suggest that to develop a growth mindset we should celebrate trying.

This discovery has made it into our education system

  • Mindsets can be changed
  • Students with a growth mindset are far more successful in life.
  • Grit or persistence is not nearly as effective as the mindset behind them.
  • Sometimes we switch from one to the other

My Opinion

  • Reward for winning
  • Valued for participating

Example: mama praised us regardless of grade

Fixed Mindset causes:

  • Jealousy / envy


If your inner critic says “I can’t do it”

… Add “yet”

Abundance Mindset

Psalms 23:1

The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want

What does that verse mean?

Abundance mindset

You have a peace that you already have everything that you need.  

This sense of sufficiency isn’t dependent on outside sources like

  • Circumstances
  • Available resources
  • Relationships

Scarcity Mindset

You react from a state of lack or fear that you do/will not have enough

A lack of a sense of personal sufficiency.  You  feel that there is always something you lack.

You fear you won’t have enough

  • Money
  • Food
  • Talent

You will never be satisfied as long as you’re trying to fill your needs through other people

  • outside of yourself and outside of God

Story: orphans

Areas of life

  • Finances
  • Dating
  • Jobs - .com era

Delayed gratification

  • Long term thinking
  • Spending
  • Sex - picky

You will therefore continually sacrifice what you would otherwise store for the future.  

Security is in God

Scarcity mindset causes

  • Anxiety
  • Comparison
  • Ungratefulness
  • Jealousy
  • Envy

Adequacy Mindset

Am I Enough?

  • An abundance mindset tells you that you have enough.  
  • Adequacy tells you that you are enough.

2 Corinthians 12: 9-11

9 And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.

10 Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

11 I have become foolish; you yourselves compelled me. Actually I should have been commended by you, for in no respect was I inferior to the most eminent apostles, even though I am a nobody.

  • Paul says he has a nobody
  • But he also says that the greatest apostle has nothing on him
  • he esteems himself low
  •  he has a confidence in his ability
  • He doesn’t consider himself to be lacking anything
  • He doesn’t focus on what he is not

if I just had ______ I would be OK

We have a tendency to remember the things we don’t do well more than the things we do well


Sometimes our inadequacy is rooted in comparison to other people.  

Your internal critic takes a single domain of comparison. Then it acts as if that domain is the only one that is relevant.  then it contrasts you on favorably with someone truly stellar within that domain.  He can take it further but he is in the gap between you and that person as Evidence for the fundamental injustice of life. That way you can lose motivation to do anything at all.  

Learned Helplessness

Learned helplessness is when you try things over and over and eventually you just don’t try again


Childhood Experiences

Childhood experiences caused us to believe we’re only good enough when ...

  • I’m different from dad/brother/mother
  • Someone needs me
  • I don’t make any mistakes
  • I make good grades
  • If I do well in sports
  • I’m happy
  • I don’t cause anyone any problems
  • I make mom and dad happy
  • My mate is happy

Story: Friend sexually abused

  • Apple for mother

Selfless Mindset

Philippians 2:3-4

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;

4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.

  • Removed high self esteem

Is it a bigger problem to think too highly of yourself or too lowly of yourself?

  • Too highly

The bigger problem is to think too often of yourself.

  • Self focused

Self-centered people, don’t bother to take the time to understand another person’s point-of-view or feelings.


Good relationships happen when you are giving advantage and not just taking advantage.  

Example: Selfless Date

  • I give because that’s just how I am
  •  I’m not going to do everything for him if he’s not doing it in return

Personality Disorders


Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder characterized by a long-term pattern of exaggerated feelings of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration, and a lack of empathy toward other people. People with NPD often spend too much time thinking about achieving power and success, or on their appearance. Typically, they also take advantage of the people around them. Such narcissistic behavior typically begins by early adulthood, and occurs across a broad range of situations

  • Being a narcissist isn’t just about thinking you are more attractive than other people
  • You can be narcissistic but consider yourself unattractive
  • It’s about always thinking about power, success or appearance
  • Even if you don’t have it

7 traits

  1. Grandiose sense of self importance
  2. Preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty or ideal love
  3. Believes that he or she is special or unique and can only be understood by and should only associate with other high status people
  4. Requires excessive admiration
  5. Has a sense of entitlement
  6. Is interpersonally exploitative
  7. Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings of others

Histrionic personality disorder

Histrionic personality disorder (HPD) is defined by the American Psychiatric Association as a personality disorder characterized by a pattern of excessive emotionality and attention-seeking, usually beginning in early adulthood, including inappropriately seductive behavior and an excessive need for approval. People diagnosed with the disorder are said to be lively, dramatic, vivacious, enthusiastic, and flirtatious. HPD is diagnosed four times as frequently in women as men.


  1. Is uncomfortable in situations where he or she is not the center of attention
  2. Interaction with others is often characterized by inappropriate sexually seductive or provocative behavior
  3. Displays rapidly shifting and shallow expressions of emotion
  4. Consistently uses physical appearance to draw attention to oneself
  5. has a style of speech that is excessively impressionistic and lacking in detail
  6. Shows self dramatization, theatrics and exaggerated display of emotion
  7. Suggestible or easily influenced by others
  8. They consider relationships to be more intimate than they actually are

They aren’t really in touch with how they feel but more in touch with how people are reacting to them. They will create drama to become the center of attention.

 They may consider themselves to be best friends with someone do you have only met twice

Making Everything About You

Self centeredness impacts

  • Worried about the opinions of others
  • Not authentic
  • Poor listening
  • Keeping score

Thankful Mindset

If I said someone was living a lifestyle that’s outside of the will of God what would you think I was talking about?

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

16Rejoice always; 17pray without ceasing; 18in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Gratitude is about being grateful for what you already have.

  • Don’t take everything for granted.  
  • Don’t focus on what you don’t have.

Worldly Success

A lot of the reason that people are unhappy is because they are trying to live up to what society says they should have or should be.

  • They are seeking the goals of the world.
  • With social media we are always seeing what other people have and we want it.
  • We want to be doing what they are doing.
  • We want a happy family life that they portray.


Philippians 4:12

 12I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering.

The best place in life is to be grateful for what you have and feel blessed but to also be striving for a goal

In Everything Give Thanks

We are not told to give thanks for everything, but we’re told to give thanks in everything.  

  • when things go wrong give thanks.
  • Not for the thing that went wrong.
  • But in the midst of it find something to be thankful for.

Some people don’t give thanks when things go right,

  • so they definitely aren’t going to give thanks when things are going wrong

God’s Will

18 in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

When you give thanks, you are in God's will.

You are outside of God’s will when you are

  • Grumbling
  • Complaining


A natural extension of being grateful is wanting to help others.  

Worthy of God’s Love

You believe that the tragic event is your fault and that it is because God is punishing you for a sinful thing that you did.  

God is waiting for me to do something wrong so that He can punish me

Not Worthy of God’s love

God loves you because of who you are

  • Not because of what you do

I know you can’t forgive yourself because of that thing you did

… but God can … and He already did

Do you realize how big of a sin you need to have God’s only son come and get tortured and die

He didn’t die because you cheated on your diet

He didn’t do that because you gave them the wrong name at Starbucks

He didn’t die because you were using Facebook

He died for what you did over 10 years ago

He died for what you did earlier today

He already died

He already rose

It is finished

You are forgiven

You are worth it

You are loved

You are enough just as you are


Presenter: Michael Leadon


Every morning verbally thank God for 5 things in your life


Gratitude: it’s a life-changing mindset

Timothy Ward

Thankful always

Tony Evans

Growth mindset versus fixed mindset


The power of belief that mindset of success

Eduardo Briceno

Internal versus external processing

Angeles Skurtu

What is histrionic personality disorder?

Katie Morton


Toure Roberts

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