Danny Gokey - Love God Love People
Outline:
Introduction
Defining Wholeness
Love God and Love People
5 emotional bags unconsciously carried into Our Christian life
Christian Remedies
Jesus And Therapy
Discipleship As the Solution
Different Issues Need Different Solutions
Faith
Scriptures:
Galatians 5:22-23
Matthew 22:36-40
Matthew 5:22-24
Proverbs 11:14
Proverbs 15:22
Luke 18:42
Introduction
Galatians 5:22-23
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
Love
Joy
Peace
Patience
Kindness
Goodness
Faithfulness
Gentleness
Self-control
Does anyone feel like this describes them?
Fruits of the Spirit
Result of the Holy Spirit’s work
Evidence of a changed life
The fruit of the Spirit represents the visible evidence of a life lived in accordance with God's will and empowered by the Holy Spirit. It's about becoming more Christ-like in our thoughts, words, and actions.
–Chat GPT
These are the traits by which we want to measure our spirituality. Not:
Speaking in tongues
Church attendance
Bible knowledge
The real test of your emotional and spiritual maturity happens when
You are driving and someone cuts you off
Someone you love makes you mad
Your family gets together
Someone at work lies on you
Someone disrespects you
Someone embarrasses you
Someone ignores you
You can know the theology, but when you get into the area of relationships it becomes difficult.
Therefore it’s hard to have spiritual maturity if you are:
impatient
unforgiving
addicted
Easily angered
Emotional health is essential for following God fully.
Defining Wholeness
Wholeness is about being _______ healthy
spiritually
emotionally
mentally
Free from oppression of
Our past
Bad thinking
Strongholds
The enemy
We’re talking about
dealing with life’s current stresses
being healed from experiences/wounds of the past
We’re promised eternal life
We’re also supposed to have: joy, peace, patience, and self control here on earth
Through this 4.5 year series we have identified traits that we defined as the goal for wholeness
Traits of Wholeness
Authenticity
Honesty
Kindness
Behavior not influenced by external approval / validation
Living by values and principles
Setting Boundaries
Taking ownership of your responsibilities
Living with purpose and passion
Optimism
Confidence
Not losing control of your emotions
Free from addictions
Addressing Conflict with truth and love
Vulnerability
Not critical or Judgemental
Not jealous of others
Forgive those who have wronged you in the past
Know that you’re worthy of receiving love
Not afraid to fail
Able to manage irrational fear, worry, and anxiety
Selfless encounters with others
Not manipulating others trying to control their actions
You care about how others feel
And can feel it
Patient
Don’t give into peer/social pressure
Can communicate without antagonizing others
You can complain respectfully
Recognize, manage, and take responsibility for your own thoughts and feelings
Slow to anger
Not easily triggered
Ability to maturely express your wants, needs and desires
Can listen without reacting
Can respect others without having to change them
Can function well… Alone or with others
Able to take responsibility for your own destiny in life
Able to maintain a non-anxious presence in the midst of anxiety and stress
Able to ask for what you need want or prefer clearly, directly and honestly
Has the capacity to resolve conflict maturely
you “fight fair“
Able to negotiate solutions and take other people's perspectives into consideration
Allow your thinking and feeling functions to work as a team
Can differentiate between thoughts and feelings
“I feel like she is always late“
give people room to make mistakes and not be perfect
spend time with God
Being led by the Spirit
Love God and Love People
Matthew 22:36-40
36 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” 37 And He said to him, “‘YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.’ 38 “This is the great and foremost commandment. 39 “The second is like it, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.’ 40 “Upon these two commandments hang the whole Law and the Prophets.”
Some people have a love for God but not a love for people
They read the bible, pray and worship
But they don’t know how to:
Give a respectful no
Address conflict
how to be present with people
Speak clearly and honestly
They are spiritually knowledgeable, but emotionally immature
It is not possible to be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature
Leave Your Offering at the Altar
Jesus held loving God and loving people as the highest acts of obedience that needed to be performed
Jesus put relationship before worship
Matthew 5:22-24
22 But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be answerable to the court; and whoever says to his brother, ‘[k]You good-for-nothing,’ shall be answerable to [l]the supreme court; and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the [m]fiery hell. 23Therefore, if you are presenting your [n]offering at the altar, and there you remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your [o]offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your [p]offering
If you said something in anger
Called someone and offensive word
Get right with people before you get right with God
How people experience us matters
It is a gauge of our emotional health
Our relationships matter
Hating your family because they are sinners is a contradiction to what Jesus was teaching
Our love is supposed to show others how much God loves them
As Christians, we often know how we should be living …but we don’t know how to do it
It’s easier said than done
Therefore, we continue to relate to people in an emotionally immature way.
we need to learn to apply, practically and effectively, the truths that we believe
how can I
Be quick to hear and slow to speak
Be angry and not sin
Watch my heart above all else.. since that is the place from whence life flows
Speak the truth in love
Be a true peacemaker
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and envy
We usually miss-apply biblical truths and follow the relational skills learned in our families growing up.
The way that we were raised becomes our default way of loving other people
Therefore, our relationships are no different than those The world around us
5 emotional bags unconsciously carried into Our Christian life
Over function
No room for play
Being over responsible for family of origin and that carried over to be over responsible for people in the church
Can’t maintain healthy boundaries as an adult
Self worth is Based on Performance
“you will make your parents proud because they have suffered and sacrificed so much for you“
performance-based approval from family -> performing for Jesus
Believe in marriage and gender roles we shaped by our families/culture versus scripture
“Happy wife …happy life”
Resolve conflict poorly
The basic way we resolve conflict resembles our family of origin not Christ’s ways
Example:
cursing/yelling
Not addressing
Bible says
Slow to anger
Forgive
Not knowing how to accept and process your own feelings, needs and wants
You were never asked growing up
What do you want?
What do you need?
What do you feel?
A child doesn’t see what’s wrong with this environment they’re growing up.
They only ask “what is wrong with me“?
No other religion in the world has a personal God loves you for who you are versus what you do
Christian Remedies
There are many people suffering in church.
People are suffering from:
Miscarriages
Infertility
the death of a child
the loss of a sibling, parent, grandparent, spouses, or friend
fighting cancer
chronic illness
wayward children
family conflict
Anxiety
Depression
job loss
Financial burdens
Christians used to go to their priests and pastors with their relational, emotional, and mental concerns.
Now we are quick to tell people to seek therapy.
What do you do when a brother or sister in Christ comes to you with a problem?
Marriage/dating problems
Sin issues
Emotional issues
A well meaning Christian might
Listen
Offer advice
Provide reassurance
Quote Bible verses
Pray
Advise different behaviors
Empathize
focus on God’s truth instead of your what we feel about ourselves
assumes that the cause is a violation of some biblical principle
Solution is to exhort the person to follow the principles
casting out of demons
Jesus And Therapy
Should Christians go to therapy?
Why we need Jesus and therapy
https://youtube.com/shorts/Bg7fUOhrF_s?si=Q6RPaIlwrXxJV9NO
Prayer is a weapon… Therapy is a strategy
Proverbs 11:14
Where there is no guidance the people fall, But in an abundance of counselors there is victory.
Similar to the approach that Christians see doctors for health issues even though they pray for and believe in supernatural healing.
You can be a good Christian and still go to therapy
We are made up of
Spiritual.
Mental
Physical.
Emotional
They can impact each other
Example: got lung cancer and lost your faith
Smoking impacted your spirituality
Getting a nicotine patch or joining a non-smoking room doesn’t mean you don’t have faith
Core Idea of Psychology
The general idea is that something has been damaged in our internal pattern of processing ourselves and our lives. You may be unaware of it. The damage was caused by contact with unhealthy people.
Examples: a personal identity that has been damaged by.
Abandonment
Rejection
Abuse
Treatment
There are many different theories of how the mind works and many different treatment approaches, but they all share this…
The verbal treatment involves 3 parts:
Identify the psychological processes causing the problem
Make the patient conscious of it
Work through the unhealthy patterns triggered by earlier relationships until the patient replaces them with a healthier approach to handling life
Patients tend to fit the words they say into the therapist's theoretical mode.
Analyze dreams.
Look for irrational self talk.
Probe for forgotten memories, traumas
Objections to Therapy
Hundreds of studies show that psychotherapy is better than nothing.
It is harder to prove that what is helping are the reasons suggested by the theories.
Different therapists might give a patient completely different explanations for their problems.
(Similar to how different Christian denominations will give different reasons for a problem)
Studies have shown the different therapies work equally as well.
Comment on Therapy
Resilience
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT2FY1G6p/
Real mental health isn’t about staying safe
Therapy is the training ground. Real life is the game.
Discipleship As the Solution
Alcoholic Anonymous
12 Step Programs
A Stanford researcher found that Alcoholics Anonymous helps more people achieve sobriety than therapy does.
After evaluating 35 studies — involving the work of 145 scientists and the outcomes of 10,080 participants — Keith Humphreys, PhD, professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences, and his fellow investigators determined that AA was nearly always found to be more effective than psychotherapy in achieving abstinence.
AA works because it’s based on social interaction, Humphreys said, noting that members give one another emotional support as well as practical tips to refrain from drinking.
“If you want to change your behavior, find some other people who are trying to make the same change,” he said.
—Stanford Medicine
Humphreys is a member of the Wu Tsai Neurosciences Institute at Stanford
Example: FitBit/ Apple Watch
Counting your steps
Contests at work
Posting your results social media
AA came out of the Christian revivalist Oxford Group
Not about looking within
Discipleship is Counseling of the Soul
Maybe discipleship defined as “counseling of the soul“ is the reality and psychotherapy is the imitation
We have wrongly defined soul wounds as psychological disorder, and have delegated the treatment to trained specialists.
– Dr. Larry Crabb, psychologist and Christian counselor (Connecting)
“Professional counseling is a specialized form of talking that we assume only highly trained people can practice. But that assumption is not well supported by the evidence.”
Example: Studies show that you will feel better if you talk to someone you trust about:
Anorexia
Depression
Difficulty with significant people in your life
People improve when they go to therapy, but it doesn’t seem to matter what type of therapy they go to.
The conclusion is that:
What helps is focused, well-meaning conversations about problems
Christian Communities
Proverbs 15:22
22 Without consultation, plans are frustrated, But with many counselors they succeed.
Larry Crabb, in his book Connecting, suggests that “soul issues” are better addressed by Christian communities
Life groups
Growth groups
Accountability groups
Soul Care
If soul care involves pouring something good out of one person into another … Then the helper must have something good to pour
Skill in giving matters, but not as much as having something to give
Community Requirements
The ideal cure is to find a community of believers who are
Conscientious
Non defensive
Caring
Community members who
Engage each other
Honor confidence
Let themselves actually care when they hurt
Believe in each other
Involve themselves because they think the others are actually worth caring about
Issues Better Addressed By Therapy
There are 2 types of problems.
Those that require the service of a technically trained professional
Those that represent struggles in the soul
Issues Better Suited for Therapist
Empirically researchable issues with predictable pattern in terms of
Cause
Nature
Resolution
These personal concerns fall into 4 categories
Physiological or chemical imbalances
Bipolar reactions.
Attention deficit disorder.
Clinical depression.
Some cases of sexual dysfunction
Premature ejaculation.
Orgasmic inability
Nonmoral process of learning and conditioning
Slow learning
Poor reading skills.
Certain anxiety disorders.
Phobias
Panic attack
Threat to social well-being for social order.
Suicidal impulses.
Antisocial behavior.
Those that represent ignorance of affective technique or understanding
Marital communication patterns
Handling teen rebellion
Vocational guidance
Issues Better Addressed in Christian Communities
Concerns of the soul
Most personality disorders.
Narcissistic, borderline, dissociative identity disorder.
Mild to moderate depression.
Existential despair
Often confused with severe depression
Relational difficulties.
Inability to get close to others.
Most marriage tensions.
Anger and impulse control
Everyday problems.
Insecurity.
Indecisiveness.
Resentment.
sexual struggles.
Perversion and addictions.
Their root lies in disconnection, and a flesh driven response to life’s disappointments
It is wrong to conceptualize these problems as evidenced of the damaged self caused by life experiences
Problems of the soul are more accurately defined as the effort to handle life challenges
Different Issues Need Different Solutions
Although we should take all of our issues to God in prayer…
Different issues lend themselves to different solutions
Are there repressed emotions that uncovering words can surface?
Are people indifferent to their responsibilities and need rebuking words?
Are they confused about what to do… And looking for words of wise counsel?
Do our problems stem from forgetting that God cares?
Are encouraging words the most helpful?
Does the person have a lack of faith in God?
When problems that reflect physical or practical matters of living arise, a healthy community will gladly refer people to professional experts for help.
Qualifications for a good counselor, have more to do with wisdom and character than with training and degrees
Loving God, and loving others, lives at the center of God’s community
As long as the resources of the community are underdeveloped, professional counseling will occupy a legitimate place.
You cannot follow God fully if you are not emotionally healthy
Unhealthy Addictions
Sin patterns
Emotionally triggered
The main goal is to get healed
There is nothing wrong with a Christians seeking therapy
Healed people see different
https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxM3ZDUTf0botAPNAXT_uozdbtgUK3t8Bj?si=BbTcSH6VliiwIyT6
What have you adjusted to that God wants you loosed from?
Faith
Luke 18:42
42And Jesus said to him, “Regain your sight; your faith has [p]made you well.”
Your healing is dependent on your faith
Research has shown that therapeutic treatment success depends on the patients' trust in the therapist and confidence in the method.
For therapy to work you have to believe in the therapist and a method they are using
Similarly many of the Christian methods depend on the faith.
Jesus and the apostles proclaimed “by your faith you were healed”.
Instructor: Michael Leadon
Resources
Measuring Your Emotional Health
Emotionally Healthy Christianity
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