Seeking Wholeness Summary 1

 

Defining "wholeness" and "brokenness" and discovering that we all need healing.

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Outline:

• Introduction
• Defining Wholeness
• We Are All Broken / Wounded
• How We Became Broken / Wounded
• Fruits of Brokenness
• Unhealthy Argument Styles
• Healthy Argument Rules
• The Traits of Wholeness
• The Path to Wholeness
• Self awareness Exercise
• Conclusion

Scriptures:

• Mark 2:17
• Matthew 22: 36-40
• Galatians 5:22-23
• Psalms 51:5
• Galatians 5:19-21
• Galatians 1:10
• Matthew 10:28
• Micah 6:8
• Matthew 7:1-3
• 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17
• Matthew 6:12-15
• Philippians 4:6
• James 3:16
• Ephesians 4:31-32
• Matthew 6:12-15
• Philippians 2:14
• Ephesians 4:32
• Romans 12:16
• James 1:19
• James 1:26        

Introduction

Mark 2:17

And hearing this, Jesus *said to them, “It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick; I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

What does wholeness mean to you?

We live in a fallen world and every day we deal with broken people.  Many of us were raised by dysfunctional families.  

In life, we have encountered

• painful experiences
• failed relationships
• broken promises
• seen loved ones pass away
• Physical illnesses
• live with the regret of things we’ve done or said

With every hurtful experience we have the possibility to become a little bit more broken.

We carry scars from our pasts.

We all struggle with sin.  

We struggle with:  

• Depression
• Anxiety / Fear
• Unhealthy relationships
• Falling asleep
• Addictions
• Spiritual Warfare
• Memories of Traumatic experiences

How can we:

• Renew our minds
• Be led by the spirit

This series, Seeking Wholeness, was intended to give us practical tools to do this.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could:

1. Have healthy relationships
2. Love like the Bible tells us to
3. Really have joy, peace and patience
4. Be free from our addictions
5. Break our generational curses
6. Forgive those who have wronged us
7. Not be influenced by our pain from the past
8. Love our neighbor as ourselves

In this lesson, we will get an understanding of what wholeness and brokenness are.  

This is a summary of the first 3 lessons from the series.

1. Unchained Disciples : Introducing Wholeness
2. Unchained Disciples : Wounds From the Past
3. Unchained Disciples : How Emotional Wounds Impact Relationships

Defining Wholeness

Wholeness is about being _______ healthy

• spiritually
• emotionally
• mentally

Free from oppression of

• Our past
• Bad thinking
• Strongholds
• The enemy

We’re talking about

• dealing with life’s current stresses
• being healed from experiences/wounds of the past

We’re promised eternal life

• We’re also supposed to have: joy, peace, patience, and self control here on earth

The Goal of Wholeness

Matthew 22: 36-40

36“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” 37 And He said to him, “ ‘YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.’ 38“This is the great and foremost commandment. 39“The second is like it, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.’ 40“On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.”

 

You can’t truly love until you are whole

• Before that your love will be conditional

Receiving God’s Love

We can’t fully comprehend God’s love for us until we are whole

Faith in God

We can’t fully trust if we are not whole

Identity in Christ

Filtering your life through the lens of Christianity

Example: Not as:

• A republican/democrat
• Woman
• Black man

Led by the Spirit

Being led by the Spirit is hearing the Holy Spirit regularly and obeying

Renewing Your Mind

Renewed mind means you know the will of God and you approve.

• You feel about sin the way God feels about sin
• You feel about people the way Jesus feels about people

Inherit the Kingdom of God

Galatians 5:22-23

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

No longer Controlled by

• Anger
• Emotions
• Seeking the approval of others

What are some ways that it will cost us if we are not made whole?

We Are All Broken / Wounded

Wounded

The state of having unhealthy thoughts, actions, perceptions,  and/or behaviors due to past negative experiences.

When Some people get saved their addictions, and bad attitudes supernaturally go away.  They get filled with joy and faith.

Others get saved and nothing changes.

They are still caught up with:

• Alcoholism
• Gossip
• Lying
• Pornoagraphy
• Fornication / lust
• Anxiety and worry
• Jealousy and envy
• Anger
• Judgment
• Unforgiveness

We all have things that God needs to take away.

Brokenness Impacts Your Christianity

How can Brokenness impact your walk with Christ?

Brokenness keeps you from

• Obeying God’s commands
• Trusting God  (faith)
• Accepting the love of God

How We Became Broken / Wounded

What are some reasons that we aren’t whole?

The Fall

Adam and Eve’s mistake brought sin and death into the world.

Our Flesh

Psalms 51:5

5 Surely I was brought forth in iniquity;

I was sinful when my mother conceived me.

Worldly Influence

• Misplaced priorities
• Chose Mammon over God
• Strongholds

Spiritual Warfare

• Satan
• demons
• Fallen angels

Childhood Experiences

• Left crying in the crib too long - abandonment
• Unwanted pregnancy - rejection
• Only got parents attention when you were bad - rebellious
• Childhood trauma
• Parental relationship

Experiences / Mindsets

• Relationships
• Lies, betrayal,
• Fear (death, aging, …)
• Illness
• Memories

Medical Issues

• Chemical imbalances

Disobedience

Fruits of Brokenness

Galatians 5:19-21 

19 Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: sexual immorality, impurity, indecent behavior, 20 idolatry, witchcraft, hostilities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, 21 envy, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

• Fruits of the flesh

Some of the fruits of brokenness include

1. Overly Worried about the opinions of others
2. Not authentic
3. Don’t live by morals and principles
4. Lying
5. Unkind
6. Negative assumptions
7. Being judgemental
8. Ungratefulness
9. Irrational Fear
10. Jealousy & Envy
11. Uncontrollable Anger
12. Failure to forgive
13. Always Complaining  

Overly Worried About the Opinions of Others

Galatians 1:10

10 For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.

• You can’t fully serve Christ if you’re seeking the approval of others

“What will they think about me”?

I bet they think that I’m …

Why did I say that?

An over obsession with the opinions of others is evidence that the revelation of God‘s love for you is lacking

  -- Toure Roberts

Not Authentic

Matthew 10:28

 28Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.

When you’re whole you aren’t afraid to say what you think because what you think is the right thing

“Keepin’ it 100”

Some people are authentically broken.  

• The goal is to be healed and authentic.

Lying

What types of things do people lie about?

White lies to avoid the response of others

Example: “I’ll be there in 10 minutes”

Don’t Live By Morals and Principles

Chameleon

You let the opinions of others determine what’s right and wrong

Unkind

Micah 6:8

8He has told you, O man, what is good;

            And what does the LORD require of you

            But to do justice, to love kindness,

            And to walk humbly with your God?

There are people that don’t care about others feelings

• Mean and nasty

Negative Assumptions

Every time someone does something you question their motives.  Even people who have no history with you.  

When you have been

• Devalued
• heart hurt
• betrayed

you’re probably going to have negative assumptions.

Being Judgemental

Matthew 7:1-3

1“Do not judge so that you will not be judged. 2“For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. 3“Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?

To judge is to proclaim or imply that something is bad or good.  

• Right or wrong

Always pointing out what someone else is doing wrong.  Tearing down instead of building up.

Ungratefulness

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

16 Rejoice always; 17 pray without ceasing; 18 in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Take everything for granted.  

Focus on what they don’t have.

Irrational Fear

Philippians 4:6

6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

Always imagining the worst scenario and spending your focus, energy and attention on it.

Jealousy and Envy

James 3:16

16For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing.

Envy

 means "the longing for something someone else has without any ill will intended toward that person."

Jealousy

 is the resentment or a grudge you feel towards the person due to coveting what that person has or enjoys."  

• Success
• Opportunities
• relationships
• or anything else that you desire but feel you don’t have.  

Romantic Jealousy

"jealous" can be used to mean "possessively suspicious" of someone else.

Uncontrollable Anger

Ephesians 4:31-32

31Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

Don’t be out of control

Self-control

Failure to forgive

Matthew 6:12-15

12‘And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.

13‘And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from evil. [For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.’]

14“For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15“But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.

• Holding grudges

Someone wronged you in the past.  

Always Complaining

Philippians 2:14

14 Do all things without grumbling or disputing;

Some people can find something negative about everything

Unhealthy Argument Styles

Ephesians 4:32

32 Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

• Defensiveness
• Deflecting
• Criticizing
• Blaming
• Stone Walling
• Condescending
• Poor listening
• Harsh Words
• Name Calling / Labeling

Defensiveness

When someone brings up something you did, you assume they are attacking you.  

• Your first thought is to defend yourselves.
• You can’t admit you are wrong.  
• You try to justify your actions.  

Deflecting

Used to distract the other person from their original criticism.

• to avoid directly refuting or disproving the initial argument

Criticism

One way that people deflect from their own mistakes is to criticize others.  

• They try to change the focus to what someone else did wrong.  

Blaming

They try to turn the tables by pointing out flaws in the other person's behavior.

Example: caught cheating

• “I can’t believe you cheated on me!”
• “You never pay me any attention”

Stone Walling

This is when someone refuses to engage in a conversation

• People do this when they are anxious and they would rather avoid it

Condescending

Romans 12:16

16Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation.

You are the only one who is ever allowed to be right.  Makes everyone else feel stupid and foolish.  

Talks down to everyone

Invalidating opinions

Poor listening

James 1:19

  19This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger;

Everything you say triggers a self-centered story about the other person.  

Waiting for you to stop talking

Harsh Words

James 1:26        

If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless.

• No degrading language
• No put downs
• No swearing
• Discuss the issue not the person

Name Calling / Labeling

labeling

1. “You’re a liar”

Focus on the issue not the person

Healthy Argument Rules

These rules will make your arguments less painful and more manageable

Disagreements are inevitable. It is how you argue that is important. This is where fair fighting rules come in.

1. Ask yourself why you are upset
2. Discuss one issue at a time
3. Express your feelings with words and take responsibility for your feelings
4. Take turns talking
5. Try to reach a compromise
6. No Yelling
7. Call a timeout if things are getting overheated

These rules will help you to argue safely without crossing the line in your relationship.

Ask yourself why you are really upset

• Are you really angry that your partner left mustard on the counter or was it the fact that he doesn’t do housework
• The real problem will go unresolved

Discuss one issue at a time

• By discussing too many issues the original problem gets buried and nothing gets solved
• You don’t have to go over your whole history

Express your feelings with words and take responsibility for your feelings

• I feel___When___
• I felt worried when you didn’t return my phone call

Take turns talking

• Don’t think about what you wanna say instead of listening

Try to reach a compromise

No Yelling

Call a timeout if things are getting overheated

• Or if rules get broken
• Take 15 minutes to do something relaxing to calm down and collect your thoughts

The Traits of Wholeness

Through this 3.5 year series we have identified traits that we defined as the goal for wholeness

Traits of Wholeness

• Authenticity
• Honesty
• Kindness
• Behavior not influenced by external approval / validation
• Living by values and principles
• Setting Boundaries
• Taking ownership of your responsibilities
• Living with purpose and passion
• Optimism
• Confidence
• Not losing control of your emotions
• Free from addictions
• Addressing Conflict with truth and love
• Vulnerability
• Not critical or Judgemental
• Not jealous of others
• Forgive those who have wronged you in the past
• Know that you’re worthy of receiving love
• Not afraid to fail
• Able to manage irrational fear, worry, and anxiety
• Selfless encounters with others
• Not manipulating others trying to control their actions/reactions
• You care about how others feel
• Patient
• Don’t give into peer/social pressure
• Can communicate without antagonizing others
• Recognize, manage, and take responsibility for their own thoughts and feelings
• Slow to anger
• Ability to maturely express your wants, needs and desires
• Can listen without reacting
• Can respect others without having to change them
• Can function well… Alone or with others
• Able to take responsibility for our own destiny in life
• Able to maintain a non-anxious presence in the midst of anxiety and stress
• Able to ask for what they need want or prefer clearly, directly and honestly
• Has the capacity to resolve conflict maturely
• Being led by the Spirit

The Path to Wholeness

• Unchained Disciples Model

Self Awareness

realizing all of the characteristics of yourself

• Behaviors
• Beliefs / Mindsets
• Defense mechanisms
• Coping strategies
• Triggers
• Responses
• Strongholds

Identify which characteristics are broken or unhealthy

• Use the Bible as the standard for our beliefs and behavior
• Determine what biblical principles of living are being violated

Where possible identify the cause of the brokenness

Follow the Biblical Instruction

Adopt behaviors and mindsets as prescribed by the authority of scripture

Healing

And then we will work on changing our actual nature

1. Decrease resistance so that the unconscious dynamics become conscious
2. Pray that God will work on you to change the behaviors/mindsets
3. Discuss in community
4. Follow up with accountability (ideal)
5. Work through the unhealthy patterns triggered by earlier relationships to replace them with a healthier approach to handling life

Self awareness Exercise

• 3 Why’s
• Ask God what is the one area you need to work on right now

Conclusion

The ultimate goal is not to just mimic good behaviors.

• The goal is  heart change

Have you noticed that some couples start to mimic each other’s mannerisms and even may begin to look like each other.

The closer that we get to God, the more we will look like Jesus.

The more time we spend with God

• Bible
• Prayer
• Worship

The more we will become sanctified and our mind will be renewed.

The book of Habakkuk was about a prophet who God told to marry a prostitute.

After they were married she went back to prostituting and God commanded him to go and take her back as his wife instead of divorcing her.

The relationship of Habakkuk was a model for his relationship with His people.  Even though we turned away from God and have unclean lives, He is still ready to receive us back.

God is aware that we all have brokenness in our lives.  We all have things that we need to work on.  God still loves us.

He will pursue us.

God is pursuing you right now…

…say “yes”

God back to God.

Instructor: Michael Leadon

References

Unchained Disciples : Introducing Wholeness

Unchained Disciples : Wounds From the Past

Unchained Disciples : How Emotional Wounds Impact Relationships

Extra

2 Corinthians 5:17

17 Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.

1 John 4:7-8

7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.

8 The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

Proverbs 15:1

A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.