Outline:
- Introduction
- Defining Wholeness
- Disappointment
- When God Says No
- How to handle Disappointment
- What is Grief?
- When We Lose a Loved One
- How Should We Grieve?
- Bad Theology Can Destroy Your Faith
- For the Glory of God
- Memory Verses
Scriptures:
- Psalms 42:11
- John 11:1-6
- John 11:11-14
- 2 Corinthians 4:17-18
- Deuteronomy 34: 7-8
- Romans 12:15
- 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
- John 11:21-22
- Philippians 4: 12-13
- John 11:39-44
- Proverbs 3:5-6
- Joshua 1:9
Introduction
if you can’t be trusted in disappointment then you can’t be trusted with fulfilled promises
—Bill Johnson
Psalms 42:11
Why are you in despair, my soul? And why are you restless within me? Wait for God, for I will again praise Him For the help of His presence, my God.
David’s soul is in despair
He wanted something… But he didn’t get it
- He has asked God for something… But God hasn’t given it to him yet
Has anybody ever given up on waiting for God to do something?
Some of you had dreams that you’ve given up on
Some of you had promises that you thought were from God, but they didn’t happen
Now you are…disappointed
Disappointment keeps you from
- Trying
- Giving
- Risking
- Praying
- Believing
- Hoping
- Experiencing The presence of God
What are some things that Christians become disappointed about in life?
The two main crippler’s in the body of Christ are disappointment and resentment
– Bill Johnson
Today we are going to talk about Disappointment and Grief
Defining Wholeness
Wholeness is about being _______ healthy
- spiritually
- emotionally
- mentally
Free from oppression of
- Our past
- Bad thinking
- Strongholds
- The enemy
We’re talking about
- dealing with life’s current stresses
- being healed from experiences/wounds of the past
We’re promised eternal life
- We’re also supposed to have: joy, peace, patience, and self control here on earth
Through this 4 year series we have identified traits that we defined as the goal for wholeness
Traits of Wholeness
- Authenticity
- Honesty
- Kindness
- Behavior not influenced by external approval / validation
- Living by values and principles
- Setting Boundaries
- Taking ownership of your responsibilities
- Living with purpose and passion
- Optimism
- Confidence
- Not losing control of your emotions
- Free from addictions
- Addressing Conflict with truth and love
- Vulnerability
- Not critical or Judgemental
- Not jealous of others
- Forgive those who have wronged you in the past
- Know that you’re worthy of receiving love
- Not afraid to fail
- Able to manage irrational fear, worry, and anxiety
- Selfless encounters with others
- Not manipulating others trying to control their actions
- You care about how others feel
- Patient
- Don’t give into peer/social pressure
- Can communicate without antagonizing others
- Recognize, manage, and take responsibility for your own thoughts and feelings
- Slow to anger
- Ability to maturely express your wants, needs and desires
- Can listen without reacting
- Can respect others without having to change them
- Can function well… Alone or with others
- Able to take responsibility for our own destiny in life
- Able to maintain a non-anxious presence in the midst of anxiety and stress
- Able to ask for what they need want or prefer clearly, directly and honestly
- Has the capacity to resolve conflict maturely
- Being led by the Spirit
Disappointment
is being sad or displeased because someone or something has failed to fulfill one's hopes or expectations.
Lazarus is Sick
John 11:1-6
1 Now a certain man was sick: Lazarus of Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. 2 And it was the Mary who anointed the Lord with ointment, and wiped His feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was sick. 3 So the sisters sent word to Him, saying, “Lord, behold, he whom You love is sick.” 4 But when Jesus heard this, He said, “This sickness is not meant for death, but is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified by it.” 5 (Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister, and Lazarus.) 6 So when He heard that he was sick, He then stayed two days longer in the place where He was.
They told Jesus that His good friend was sick
But Jesus chose not to go and heal him at that time
Sometimes Jesus Doesn’t Come Right Away
God Had a Different Plan
Sometimes we realize later that God had a plan when we thought it was a bad thing
- God worked it for good
This Sickness Will Not End in Death - Andy Wood
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cpp7epasy45/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
- God has a different finish line
When God Says No
Lazarus Died
John 11:11-14
11 This He said, and after this He said to them, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep; but I am going so that I may awaken him from sleep.” 12 The disciples then said to Him, “Lord, if he has fallen asleep, he will come out of it.” 13 Now Jesus had spoken of his death, but they thought that He was speaking about actual sleep. 14 So Jesus then said to them plainly, “Lazarus died,
Sometimes people die
Sometimes dreams die
Sometimes Jesus didn’t show up when you needed him to
Some of you
- prayed and Jesus never answered
- asked… And you didn’t receive
- told the mountain to move … and it never moved
Why Didn’t You Answer My Prayer God?
https://youtube.com/clip/Ugkxn0ik3b0u4rLtu9B6pPaEXlcUoaXAOjaG
We have all had our Lazaruses
Many experienced:
- Lost job
- Someone cheated
- Infertility
- lost loved ones
- Failed relationship
- Healing that didn’t happen
- Dreams that didn’t manifest
- Addiction not cured
Marriage
Some of us trusted God for marriage, but it still hasn’t happened
- The preacher said “every good desire in your heart is from God”
- We’ve been in so many relationships that didn’t work..we’ve given up hope
- We’re discouraged
Some got married
- And that’s when you discovered what true unhappiness really is
- Longingly remembering the days when you were single
- Now there’s no hope
We’re disappointed
Disappointment Can Lower Your Expectations
I don’t want to be disappointed again
I’m off the market
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTR7mDtBq/
Disappointment is a dangerous thing. It can cause you to set your expectations at the level of your experiences.
It can cause you to miss the purpose of God in your life
Why God Says “No”
But here are 3 reasons that are sometimes the cause
Change Your Path
Sometimes a closed door is direction
https://youtube.com/shorts/j0Brrbj3AFQ
The direction you were trying to go… Was the wrong direction
Some Promises are Potential
- It takes faith
- God tests your faith
- Your promise is on the other side of your faith test
Bible story: The Israelites needed to defeat the Giants
To Develop You
For some of us … Jesus didn’t come
Your Disappointment Was For Your Development - Toure
https://www.instagram.com/reel/CqAEcZtgXTb/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
We don’t always know why God said “no“
How to handle Disappointment
Disappointment in Other People
Sometimes we’ve been disappointed by other people
Disappointed in Other People
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRWv3TaX/
- Grieve - accept what really happened
- Forgive them and yourself
- Rediscover Your Passion
- Formulate a forward vision
- Guard your heart
- Rehearse God affirmations
Find and Pursue Your Purpose
Human beings can handle an enormous amount of pain if they see a purpose in it
https://youtube.com/shorts/ymJarwEuZys
Stay focused on eternity
2 Corinthians 4:17-18
17 For our momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, 18 while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.
You can’t live for just the here and now
There are three types of motivation
- Internal
- External
- Eternal
“If you look at the world, you'll be distressed.
If you look within, you'll be depressed.
If you look at God you'll be at rest.”
― Corrie Ten Boom
Put on Joy
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DBYyzWcxMjg/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
Put on Praise
Everybody Has a Lazarus - Furtick
https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxtnbgRzg0GWr08txYEJQKV1dVEo0kf4ee
- The love of God is not proven by the way I feel his presence
- The love of God is proven by the way I deal with his perceived absence
In the world we praise because we have Joy
In the Kingdom we have joy because we praise
What is Grief?
Grief is the acute pain that accompanies loss. Grief is not limited to the loss of people.
Grief is a response to a change that we didn’t want
What is the worst type of grief?
- The grief you are dealing with right now
Grief is a natural human response to loss
- Some people get emotional
- Some people get numb
” all grief doesn’t have trauma… But all trauma has grief“
—David Kessler
Grief is a label assigned to all of the emotions associated with dealing with any kind of loss
- Physical (Things, abilities, freedoms)
- Self-concept (roles, values, labels)
- Dreams (how things should be)
- Social (loss of relationships…)
- Worldview (innocence, safety)
Physical
Losing your mothers wedding ring
Getting older
Shelter in place
Self concept
Loss of role
- Becoming an empty nester
- Lose your job
- Divorced
No longer a “4 star general”
Dreams
- Too old for kids
- Dropped out of college
- Couldn’t get into the career of your dreams
Social
We lose relationships
- Spouse
- Parent
- Loved ones
- Lose best friends
- Break up
When you move or go to a new company
Worldview
When we are victimized
When things happen that we feel powerless against
Lost Innocence
- You thought the world was a safe place if something happened and now you have to come to the grips you were wrong
- You thought everyone was good and benevolent
View of God
You thought God worked a certain way…but He didn’t
Grieving Someone Living
Anticipatory grief: terminally ill
Ambiguous Grief: They are a different person (e.g. dementia)
When We Lose a Loved One
Normal grief usually takes two or three years for the person to fully accept it and move on
- The first year is the toughest
- The first year of the anniversary dates is the hardest usually
Typical cycles
- Having heavy grief initially and lessening over the years
- Not having initial grief… And then it comes later
Prolonged Grief
Prolonged grief can be caused by
- Guilt over a conflicted relationship
- Seeing someone die in a traumatic way
- You already had separation anxiety
- Feeling like the death was an injustice
Guilt
“If only I had…”
” our mind would rather feel guilty then helpless“
- We don’t want to live in a world where people just die
- this is how our mind finds control
“ if only I wouldn’t have worked so much… We wouldn’t have gotten divorced“
Proximal causation
we naturally assume that whatever happened right before the event… Was the cause of the event
” if I would’ve taken their car… They wouldn’t have killed himself“
“ if I made them get that check up… They wouldn’t have had that heart
“ if we wouldn’t have had that argument…“
Action
” what if all the stories I tell myself in my mind… aren’t really true
How Should We Grieve?
Ventilation and Validation
It is OK to scream
It is OK to cry
It is OK not to cry
anger is an expression of pain
- The other expression is crying
Set Aside Time to Grieve
Deuteronomy 34: 7-8
7 Moses was a hundred and twenty years old when he died, yet his eyes were not weak, and his vitality had not diminished. 8 The Israelites grieved for Moses in the plains of Moab thirty days, until the time of weeping and mourning for Moses came to an end.
Grieving is proportional to relationship
- The widow will grieve longer than the friend
Don’t just put on the Christian smile and say “she’s in a better place”
Grieve in community
Romans 12:15
Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.
Take it To God
2 Corinthians 1:3-5
3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 5 For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ.
Hope: Armor of God
2 Types of Mourning - Bill Johnson
https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxT-gAxsGynlGpCKTZnasMcDEpE94yom-G?si=cTj75cDkGTmfpSiY
- Less than 2 years after his wife of 49 years died
In the natural world, we rejoice because we have joy.
In the Kingdom we have joy because rejoice
Practical Tips For Those Grieving
Make lists
- It’s hard to concentrate now
Minimize demands (unless staying busy helps)
Keep a normal sleep routine
Set a defined amount of time to revisit the loss each day
Be compassionate to yourself
DEER
- Drink water
- Eat
- Exercise
- Rest
narrative therapy
- Write out what happened
Bad Theology Can Destroy Your Faith
Many people lose faith in God when they lose a loved one.
Is He Still Lord?
John 11:21-22
21 Martha then said to Jesus, “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died. 22 “Even now I know that whatever You ask of God, God will give You.”
Martha blamed Jesus
Even though Jesus didn’t do what she wanted, Martha still called Jesus “Lord”
Martha believed in her head that Jesus could raise Lazarus
- But she didn’t expect it
She professed faith in him… Even in the absence of the miracle
Loss causes us to Examine our Theology
Bad theology will leave you poorly equipped for grief.
Wrong religion teaches …
- If I have faith they will always be cured
- There is no death in Heaven, so it’s God’s will is that no one dies
- I can get whatever I want if I have enough faith
- If I’m a good Christian bad things won’t happen
Faith is Not Manipulation
Faith is Not a Means of Manipulation
https://youtube.com/clip/Ugkxq_zwBBzLka9_vjpPyWyD6v3uYlc8no-w
- Faith is Not a Means of Manipulation
- But patience with mystery
Faith Isn’t A Means to Control Outcomes
Many of us were taught that faith was a way of controlling outcomes
- If you pray___ And do___Then you can expect___
We want to be able to
- Control the future
- Predict the future
We Do Good To Manipulate God
https://www.tiktok.com/@michael_leadon/video/7217255759367638315
- Sometimes God needs to break you free of the assumptions that the rewards you get are based on the effort you put in
I Can Do All Things
Steph Curry Shoe
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/1a/54/5a/1a545a916fcb5c9ab5f1a9d4719038a3.jpg
Philippians 4: 12-13
12 I know how to get along with little, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. 13 I can do all things [j]through Him who strengthens me.
This verse is saying that I can be content in all situations because of the strength of Christ
God is not responsible for the promises He didn’t make
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTFHGvtxS/
Prison or a Portal
Disappointment: A Prison or a Portal - Furtick
https://youtube.com/clip/Ugkx0K2aF1B_1frBeb1wgCLd3Kq9Riwl1Hcr
- You don’t always know what God is doing while He’s doing it
- “I thought I’d be further along by now”
Disappointment can be a portal or a prison
- Some people think “I thought I’d be further along by now“
- But that is the prison that keeps you from seeing how far you have come
What if God is doing what you wanted, but not the way you expected
For the Glory of God
John 11:39-44
39 Jesus said, “Remove the stone.” Martha, the sister of the deceased, said to Him, “Lord, by this time there will be a stench, for he has been dead four days.” 40 Jesus said to her, “Did I not say to you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?” 41 So they removed the stone. And Jesus raised His eyes, and said, “Father, I thank You that You have heard Me. 42 “But I knew that You always hear Me; nevertheless, because of the people standing around I said it, so that they may believe that You sent Me.” 43 And when He had said these things, He cried out with a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” 44 Out came the man who had died, bound hand and foot with wrappings, and his face was wrapped around with a cloth. Jesus said to them, “Unbind him, and let him go.”
Sometimes God is Late on Purpose
Why did Jesus stay 2 more days?
Jesus waited until the fourth day
- The Jews believed that up until the third day a person’s spirit could return to them
- Jesus let their preconceived time period Expire
- so that he could show his glory
He had to make sure they knew …it was a miracle
God showed up “late“ to show them his glory in a way that they had never seen before
4 But when Jesus heard this, He said, “This sickness is not meant for death, but is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified by it.”
Why did God
- Harden Pharaoh's heart?
- Allow Daniel to be thrown into the lion’s den
- Allow the Hebrew boys to be thrown into the fire
Sometimes God needs to perform a miracle…
- so everyone knows that it wasn’t you
- so you know that it wasn’t you
- so you know that it could only be God that did it
If God did something miraculous in your life it’s not because …
- you were so holy
- your faith is so strong
- Your gift is so powerful
- It’s for the glory of God
Did God get glory from it?
It was to give you a testimony
You Might Be the Miracle For Someone Else
The miracle some people may need to see is how you overcame the thing that would have broken them
How you are faithful even in the midst of the storm
Some people may need to look at you as the example, so that they know that they can go through it too
Maybe the miracle is going to be how God gives you peace even though you didn’t get what you wanted
Memory Verses
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
Instructor: Michael Leadon
References
Spiritual Warfare - Part 10 (Disappointment | Discouragement)
Overcoming grief, loss and disappointment Bill Johnson
Catch the fire church
Navigating the stages of grief + finding meaning in loss
Dr. Caroline Leaf
The signs of complicated grief
Dr. Tracie marks
Extra
Daniel never prayed for the lion to go away
Shadrack, Meshak and Abednigo never prayed for the fire to go away
David never prayed for the giant to go away
“Rejoice always” is only there because we will suffer
Revelation 21:3-4
3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is among the people, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them, 4 and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.”
