Monday, June 24, 2024

Seeking Wholeness Summary 9 - Boundaries


The downside of people pleasing and how to set boundaries.

~~Watch the Video~~


  • Introduction
  • Defining Wholeness
  • Signs of People Pleasing
  • King Saul the People Pleaser
  • People Pleasing Jesus
  • Solution: Put Your Identity in Christ
  • Practical Steps for People Pleasers
  • What Are Boundaries?
  • Jesus Had Boundaries
  • How to Set Boundaries
  • Boundary Examples


  • Galatians 1:10
  • 1 Samuel 15:12-24
  • Colossians 3:1-3
  • 2 Corinthians 9:7
  • Luke 5:15-16
  • Matthew 12:46-50
  • Matthew 13:10-11
  • Ephesians 4:29


Was Paul a people pleaser?

Galatians 1:10

“For am I now seeking the favor of people, or of God? Or am I striving to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ.”

Paul says if he tries to please people he’s not being obedient to Christ

What is People Pleasing?

A “people pleaser” personality means a person feels a strong urge to please others, even at their own expense. They may feel that their wants and needs do not matter or alter their personality around others.

This is different from traits such as kindness, generosity, or altruism. While people can make a balanced and intentional choice to do favors for others, an individual with people-pleasing tendencies will find it hard to say no. They may agree to things they do not want or not able to do.

They may cover up how they really feel or agree to too many favors.

The Opposite Problem - selfishness

  • no concern in the opinions or feelings of others
  • selfish and self centered
  • Entitled
  • Never help anyone unless it benefits you

Christians ask these questions

  1. Can I be a loving person and still set limits?
  2. What are legitimate boundaries?
  3. What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries?
  4. How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy or money?
  5. Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider setting boundaries?
  6. Did Jesus set boundaries?
  7. Aren’t boundaries selfish?

Defining Wholeness

Wholeness is about being _______ healthy

  • spiritually
  • emotionally
  • mentally

Free from oppression of

  • Our past
  • Bad thinking
  • Strongholds
  • The enemy

We’re talking about

  • dealing with life’s current stresses
  • being healed from experiences/wounds of the past

We’re promised eternal life

  • We’re also supposed to have: joy, peace, patience, and self control here on earth

Through this 4 year series we have identified traits that we defined as the goal for wholeness

Traits of Wholeness

  1. Authenticity
  2. Honesty
  3. Kindness
  4. Behavior not influenced by external approval / validation
  5. Living by values and principles
  6. Setting Boundaries
  7. Taking ownership of your responsibilities
  8. Living with purpose and passion
  9. Optimism
  10. Confidence
  11. Not losing control of your emotions
  12. Free from addictions
  13. Addressing Conflict with truth and love
  14. Vulnerability
  15. Not critical or Judgemental
  16. Not jealous of others
  17. Forgive those who have wronged you in the past
  18. Know that you’re worthy of receiving love
  19. Not afraid to fail
  20. Able to manage irrational fear, worry, and anxiety
  21. Selfless encounters with others
  22. Not manipulating others trying to control their actions
  23. You care about how others feel
  24. Patient
  25. Don’t give into peer/social pressure
  26. Can communicate without antagonizing others
  27. Recognize, manage, and take responsibility for your own thoughts and feelings
  28. Slow to anger
  29. Ability to maturely express your wants, needs and desires
  30. Can listen without reacting
  31. Can respect others without having to change them
  32. Can function well… Alone or with others
  33. Able to take responsibility for our own destiny in life
  34. Able to maintain a non-anxious presence in the midst of anxiety and stress
  35. Able to ask for what they need want or prefer clearly, directly and honestly
  36. Has the capacity to resolve conflict maturely
  37. Being led by the Spirit

Signs of people-pleasing

A person may:

  • find it hard to say no to requests
  • regularly take on extra work, even if they do not have the time
  • often overcommit to plans, responsibilities, or projects
  • avoid advocating for their own needs
    • such as by saying they are fine when they are not
  • avoid disagreeing with people or voicing their honest opinion
  • go along with things they are not happy about to avoid creating friction

A person with these tendencies may also feel:

  • pressure to be friendly, nice, or cheerful at all times
  • anxious about creating unease or standing up for themselves
  • stressed due to the commitments they have taken on
  • frustrated that they never seem to have time for themselves
  • that their own wants or needs do not matter in comparison to others
  • that people take advantage of them

People pleasers have the belief that if they are good, they will be loved, get their needs met, and have less problems in life.

King Saul the People Pleaser

Negative Traits of People Pleasers

Israel went to war with the Amalekites

God told Saul to destroy the Amalekites and all they possessed

He won the war, but captured the king and kept some of the animals

Watch for people pleasing traits of Saul

1 Samuel 15:12-24

12 Samuel got up early in the morning to meet Saul; and it was reported to Samuel, saying, “Saul came to Carmel, and behold, he set up a monument for himself, then turned and proceeded on down to Gilgal.” 13 So Samuel came to Saul, and Saul said to him, “Blessed are you of the LORD! I have carried out the command of the LORD.” 14 But Samuel said, “What then is this bleating of the sheep in my ears, and the bellowing of the oxen which I hear?” 15 Saul said, “They have brought them from the Amalekites, for the people spared the best of the sheep and oxen to sacrifice to the LORD your God; but the rest we have completely destroyed.” 16 Then Samuel said to Saul, “Stop, and let me inform you of what the LORD said to me last night.” And he said to him, “Speak!”

17 So Samuel said, “Is it not true, though you were insignificant in your own eyes, that you became the head of the tribes of Israel? For the LORD anointed you as king over Israel. 18 And the LORD sent you on a mission, and said, ‘Go and completely destroy the sinners, the Amalekites, and fight against them until they are eliminated.’ 19 Why then did you not obey the voice of the LORD? Instead, you loudly rushed upon the spoils and did what was evil in the sight of the LORD!”

20 Then Saul said to Samuel, “I did obey the voice of the LORD, for I went on the mission on which the LORD sent me; and I have brought Agag the king of Amalek, and have completely destroyed the Amalekites. 21 But the people took some of the spoils, sheep and oxen, the choicest of the things designated for destruction, to sacrifice to the LORD your God at Gilgal.”

22 Samuel said,

“Does the LORD have as much delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices

As in obeying the voice of the LORD?

Behold, to obey is better than a sacrifice,

And to pay attention is better than the fat of rams.

23 “For rebellion is as reprehensible as the sin of divination,

And insubordination is as reprehensible as false religion and idolatry.

Since you have rejected the word of the LORD,

He has also rejected you from being king.”

24 Then Saul said to Samuel, “I have sinned, for I have violated the command of the LORD and your words, because I feared the people and listened to their voice.

Validation/Recognition/Approval From People

1 Samuel 15:12 he set up a monument for himself, then turned and proceeded on down to Gilgal.”

  • Saul set up a monument in his own honor

The more we chase and seek validation on the outside the more we lack it on the inside. 

So then you’ll need it more to validate yourself.

Methods of Getting Approval

Different people use different methods to try to gain approval from others.

These methods include:

  • Having one's hair just right
  • Being smart
  • Having a pleasant nonthreatening voice
  • Appearing unselfish
  • Be different from other men/women
  • Staying sober
  • Being in good shape
  • Being a good dancer
  • Being a good lover
  • Never getting angry
  • Making other people happy
  • Being a good worker
  • Having a clean car
  • Dressing well
  • Being nice
  • Respecting women
  • Never offending anyone
  • Appearing to be good

People pleasers use these things to seek approval and get external validation

They may have their identity in these

Can Be Dishonest

1 Samuel 15:15^ Saul said, “They have brought them from the Amalekites, for the people spared the best of the sheep and oxen to sacrifice to the LORD your God; but the rest we have completely destroyed.”

  • Eliminating facts

1 Samuel 15:9 - Saul and the people were unwilling to destroy them

Most people pleasers pride themselves on being honest and trustworthy.  

To avoid negative focus

  • tell lies
  • partial truths
  • omit information

Don’t Own Mistakes

1 Samuel 15: 21 “But the people took some of the spoils, sheep and oxen, the choicest of the things designated for destruction, to sacrifice to the LORD your God at Gilgal.”

  • Lying
  • Blaming others

Mature people take responsibility for their actions. When they make a mistake or act inappropriately they apologize, make amends, or try to repair the damage.

People pleasers may try to fix situations by doing whatever it takes to get the other person to stop being upset.


  • Defend
  • Explain
  • Excuse
  • Rationalize

Fear of Man

1 Samuel 15: 24^ Then Saul said to Samuel, “I have sinned, for I have violated the command of the LORD and your words, because I feared the people and listened to their voice.

  • Feared the people
  • Fear of disapproval

Fear of man will cause you to:

  • Agree with whoever is in front of you
  • Not being able to say no
  • Don’t Stand For Anything
  • Become Chameleons

External Referencing (No Standards)

When an internally-referenced person determines whether or not they have done a good job or if they are doing the right thing, they use their own standards.

An externally-referenced person, they tend to go by the standards that other people set for them.

It’s ok to Reference 

  • God or the bible
  • expert advice (mentor, counselor, subject matter expert)
  • Iron sharpens iron

Example: Taking a test

  • Grading on a curve

People Pleasing Can Hurt Your Relationship With God

How can people pleasing negatively impact your relationship with God?

  • Choose to please people instead of God
  • Prevent you from evangelizing
  • Wanting to be politically correct
  • Opinions of others can prevent you from pursuing your purpose
  • Not authentic

People Pleasing Jesus

Was Jesus a people pleaser?

People Pleasing Jesus would have:

  • Worried about the Pharisees not liking Him
    • The church leadership
    • Would have tried to win them over
  • Watched them stone the adulterous woman
    • A people pleaser wouldn’t stand against the church leadership
    • Not told the adulterous woman to go but left out the “sin no more”
  • Stopped mentioning being the Messiah around those who didn’t believe Him
  • healed Lazarus’ sickness at Mary and Martha’s request and not let him die

Wouldn’t have

  • said “You have to eat my flesh and drink my blood”
  • turned over the tables at the temple

Solution: Put Your Identity in Christ

Colossians 3:1-3

Therefore, if you have been raised with Christ, keep seeking the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on the things that are above, not on the things that are on earth. 3 For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.

Your self esteem is tied to your relationship with Jesus

  • Not the opinions of others

Not your

  • Job
  • Kids school
  • Accomplishments

Olympic Athletes

We believe that Olympic athletes were made for something more

  • They are trying to bring honor to our country

So it’s OK that

  • It dictates their choice of schools
  • They can’t eat and drink what others can
  • They can’t take some jobs
  • They can’t do the activities that other kids get to do
  • They miss out on some of the parties
  • They have to wake up earlier and work and train later

The Olympic Games

  • It’s a game

How much more should we stand out as different being Christians

Identity in Christ means…

God’s opinion is more important than

  • man’s
  • Other christians
  • legalism

Practical Steps for People Pleasers

Identify How You Seek Approval

Pay attention when trying to impress or get approval.

  • Spending extra time on your hair
  • Holding the door open for someone
  • Cleaning the kitchen
  • Washing your car
  • Walking with your child/dog in the park just to get noticed or praised

Start noticing how much time you’re spending trying to get the approval of others

Consider stopping doing something you do for approval for a month or two

Example: I grew an afro

Reveal Yourself to Safe People

  • Be vulnerable

Let them see the real you

Don’t make offers that you hope will be declined

2 Corinthians 9:7

7 Each one must do just as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

We offer to do something, but secretly hope the person will say no.

  • We want to come across as a good generous loving person by offering.

If they say yes you will feel… Bitter, angry, resentful

We then secretly blame the other person for making us do something we didn’t want to do

Example: some people will try to manipulate you into offering

  • “I guess I’ll just wash my car by myself this weekend even though I’m tired and you’re better at it”

Get Comfortable Not Offering

You have to allow yourself to be OK with not offering

  • Be authentic

Don’t Answer Immediately

When someone makes a request, try allowing for some time to think about it rather than answering immediately.

Set Time Limits

When saying yes to something, include a time limit or deadline rather than waiting for someone else to set the schedule. For example, a person might agree to babysit between certain hours.

Block Your Calendar

Block out time in the day that is off-limits to any new requests or plans. People can do this mentally or use a calendar app to automatically decline any new invitations.

Offer up specific times when you are available

Rehearse Saying “No”

In many situations, there are tactful and empathetic ways to say no. Rehearsing these before speaking with someone may help.

Don’t Overexplain

Unless you are shirking your responsibility or going back on an agreement, there is no need to give a long explanation as to why you are saying no.

What Are Boundaries?

A boundary is:

  • a guideline
  • a rule
  • a limit

It states… This is what I am OK with and this is what I am not OK with


We take ownership of:

  1. Our thoughts
  2. Our feelings
  3. Our bodies
  4. Our decisions
  5. Our behavior

Likewise, we let other people take ownership of their thoughts, feelings, bodies and decisions


  • What I am responsible for, and what I am not responsible for in relationships

You are not responsible for someone else’s wants

You are responsible for your limits

Ability to Say No

Boundaries Allow me to say yes and to say no

It’s about not doing things you don’t want to do.

If you are doing it out of love… It’s OK


A boundary is the distinction between what you have authority over and what other people have authority over

Example: authority over your own children


Boundaries define access I allow someone to have in my life

We define Our Own boundaries

It is OK if your boundaries are unique

Boundaries are for you and by you

Goals of Boundaries

  1. To state that these things will no longer work for you
  2. Decrease negative behaviors in your relationships by changing ourselves

Not About Changing The Other Person

Boundary setting isn’t about getting the other person to be different.

  • It is about getting you to be different.
  • If someone is crossing your boundary it isn’t their’s yours

Not an Agreement

A boundary is not necessarily an agreement

  • The other person doesn’t have to agree

Example: I will not let you punch my children when you have a bad day at work

Boundaries provide protection so that we can be vulnerable

Boundaries help us to feel vulnerable and safe

  • They help other people feel vulnerable and safe with us as well

People Pleasers

People pleasers like to think that they are authentic

  • That they are kind easy-going person

A lot of times they are not really letting the other person see who they are

We need to have a consequence to violating our boundaries

A boundary without a consequence is simply a threat

What Does it Mean to Set a Boundary?

boundaries is about allowing the consequences to fall upon the person whose responsibility it is

It is not about getting someone else to do what you want them to do

People Pleasers and Boundaries

People pleasers generally have a problem setting boundaries

People Pleasers are usually more comfortable backpedaling, giving in and keeping the peace.  

They believe if they take one more step backwards the other person will stop pushing and everything will be smooth.  

It is not unusual for people pleasers to go overboard when starting to set boundaries.

The impact of poor boundaries

What does it look like when you don't have boundaries in a relationship?

  • You feel unsafe and disempowered
  • You feel hyper vigilant and anxious
  • You "walk on eggshells" to avoid upsetting the other person
  • You may have a hard time identifying what we feel
  • You stop trying to think for yourself
  • You feel hopelessness and depression
  • The other person is in your business and in your physical belongings

If you haven’t communicated your thoughts, wants and needs people won’t take them into consideration

  • You’ll find people are not paying attention to you
  • People will ignore your thoughts wants and needs

Overaggressive Boundaries

On the other hand, if you have overaggressive boundaries you invade the boundaries of others and make them feel bullied

  • Example: “I don’t do dishes”

You will have different boundaries for different relationships

Jesus Had Boundaries

Jesus Limited Access

Alone Time

Luke 5:15-16

 15 But the news about Him was spreading even farther, and large crowds were gathering to hear Him and to be healed of their sicknesses. 16 But Jesus Himself would often slip away to the wilderness and pray.

  • Jesus made His spiritual needs a priority

Example: you have company staying the weekend

  • I go to church on Sunday morning

Refused to Speak With His Family

Matthew 12:46-50

 46 While He was still speaking to the crowds, behold, His mother and brothers were standing outside, seeking to speak to Him. 47 [Someone said to Him, “Look, Your mother and Your brothers are standing outside, seeking to speak to You.”] 48 But Jesus replied to the one who was telling Him and said, “Who is My mother, and who are My brothers?” 49 And extending His hand toward His disciples, He said, “Behold: My mother and My brothers! 50 “For whoever does the will of My Father who is in heaven, he is My brother, and sister, and mother.”

Jesus Didn’t Reveal Everything to Everyone

Matthew 13:10-11

10 And the disciples came up and said to Him, “Why do You speak to them in parables?” 11 And Jesus answered them, “To you it has been granted to know the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it has not been granted.

How to Set Boundaries

When setting boundaries

  1. Pray about it
  2. Define the boundary and the consequence
  3. Directly communicate the boundary
  4. Follow through on the consequence if boundary is broken
  5. Reassess the boundary

Boundary Examples

What Are some examples of boundaries?

Physical Boundary

"Hey, I really enjoy catching up with you! I noticed you like to hug really tightly when we greet each other. While I appreciate your affection, a lighter hug or handshake would feel more comfortable for me."

Emotional Boundary

"I care about you and want to be supportive, but listening to negativity constantly can be emotionally difficult for me. When you need to vent, maybe we could set a time limit or I could suggest some resources that might help you feel better."

Time Boundary

"I appreciate your dedication, but I try to keep work and personal life separate. Unless it's an emergency, could we aim to handle work matters during office hours? I'm happy to help first thing tomorrow morning."

Communication Boundary

"I know we're both excited to share our thoughts, but sometimes I feel like you interrupt me before I can finish speaking. Could we try letting each other finish our points before responding?"

Privacy Boundary

"I'm happy to lend you things sometimes, but I'd appreciate it if you could ask me first. It helps me keep track of my belongings."

Inappropriate/Offensive Conversation

Ephesians 4:29

Let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but if there is any good word for edification according to the need of the moment, say that, so that it will give grace to those who hear.

Inappropriate questions or topics

  • Someone asked raw, personal and intimate questions that you don’t feel appropriate sharing

“I’m not getting into all that right now”

How to Respond to Prying Questions

  • Hook, line and sinker


Mind Reading

Mind Reading

  • Assuming you know what the other person is thinking
  • Expecting the other person to know what you were thinking

Mind reading and expecting mind reading is a boundary violation

  • Where to eat
  • Where to go on vacation
  • Intimate physical preferences
  • “You should already know what’s wrong”

Ability to Disagree

You can agree to disagree

Willingness to consider other perspectives

It is unhealthy if one person communicates to the other that they have to agree with them all of the time

  • That is not a healthy relationship

Instructor: Michael Leadon


People Pleasing

People Pleasing - Part 2

What Are Boundaries

How to Set Boundaries

Boundaries in Relationships

Boundaries in Relationships - Part 2

Boundaries in Relationships - Part 3


2 Corinthians 10:18

For it is not the one who commends himself that is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends.

We’re Not Talking About

Doing things out of…Fear of physical danger or death

Not talking about

  • Obedience to God
  • Taking care of your responsibilities
  • Obeying authority
  • Obeying parents
  • Providing for your children/family
  • Common courtesy
  • Doing your job
  • Cultural/legal/religious/health restrictions
  • Wearing a shoes/shirt
  • Hijab
  • mask

Characteristics of People Pleasers

Taking Responsibility for Emotions of Others

People pleasers often make themselves responsible for the emotional responses of others.

If someone feels bad, they blame themselves or fear that person thinks they’re the problem.

If a person they desire is in a bad mood they believe they must do something quickly

To fix it

  • Apologize for things not their fault
  • Offer solutions
  • Sacrifice self
  • Manipulate
  • Lie

Covert Contracts

A covert contract is: I will do this for you, so that you will do this for me.  

  • We will both act as if we have no awareness of this contract  

They have unverbalized expectations from their efforts/actions

  • I did it for them; they should do it for me
  • If I cook then you should wash the dishes
  • Since did X for you, they should do Y for me
  • I deserve ___ for all I’ve done

Exercise: Identify at least one covert contract

  • You have
  • Someone else had with you

Pitfalls of People Pleasing

What are some of the pitfalls Christians can fall into when they want to please people?

Proverbs 29:25

25The fear of man brings a snare,

But one who trusts in the LORD will be protected.

Constant people-pleasing behavior can lead to:

It Prevents Connection

People are not drawn to perfection in others

People are drawn to

  • common interests
  • shared problems
  • an individual‘s life energy

People will automatically be drawn to you if you are real.

Hiding your imperfections makes you inhuman, vague, slippery, lifeless, and uninteresting.  

People eventually realize you’re just sugarcoating things to make them happy.

Their dependency on external validation prevents people from getting to know them as they truly are.  

When you release your attachment to the outcome people will start liking you more.

People pleasers build walls that prevent others from getting too close.  

Susceptible to Manipulation

Reacting to emotions of others

This gives their partner the power to set the tone of a relationship.  

  • Their mood is tied to their partners… If she is happy, so is he.


  • Narcissists
  • Manipulators
  • Emotional vampires
  • Users

Not Authentic

“People pleasing hides the real you.”

If you expose your true self and it gets criticized it hurts more

Hide Their Flaws

Everything a people pleaser does is calculated to try to win approval or avoid disapproval.  People pleasers see any mistake or anything bad as proof that they are unlovable.  

They believe that if anyone sees how bad they really are it will be hurt, shamed or abandoned.  

People pleasers believe they must hide or distract attention from any perceived shortcomings.  

  • If they forget something
  • If they are late
  • If they don’t understand something
  • If they are depressed
  • If they are in pain
  • If they generally mess up


Write down times when you have tried to cover up the above.

God is not a people pleaser

I heard a pastor say “ even God can’t please everybody“

Example: people praying for different teams to win

  • People praying for rain and others praying for sun
  • Different people praying for the same job
  • Different people praying for the same spouse

We need to come to the realization that we can’t  please everybody

If everybody likes you… You don’t stand for anything

  • You have no beliefs

Your funeral is only time when all people will speak well of you

How to Set Boundaries

Pray About It

James 1:5

If anyone lacks wisdom ask God and it will be given to you

The first thing you’ll want to do is pray about it.

Be honest and tell God about your feelings

Define Your Boundaries

Remember, you’re responsible for your thoughts, feelings, body and decisions, no one else’s.

Ask Yourself

  • Is someone blaming me for something that is their responsibility?
  • What is reasonable for someone to ask of me, and what is not?
  • What are my expectations from this person?
  • Are those reasonable?
  • What do I need to communicate so that my limits are understood?
  • Is this boundary based on my need in a relationship, or is this boundary based on some unmet need in me?
  • Example: you need too much validation (text every 15 minutes)
  • Is this a need that no one else can fulfill except for me or God?
  • Is this need based on me not being healed from a previous relationship?

Communicate Your Boundaries

This means you have to talk about things even if you don’t feel like it or if it makes you uncomfortable

  • this is what I think is a healthy standard is
  • This is where I draw the line
  • What are your expectations
  • What are you willing to put up with?
  • What are you willing to compromise on?

Be direct and clear

People do better with direct and clear communication… Even if they don’t agree with it

Jesus was direct and clear

State what you want...don’t complain about what they’re doing

How to Phrase it

Express it with logic rather than emotion

Avoid phrases like

  • Or else

Boundaries should use “I statements“

  • Controlling language relationship

It is not just what you say, but how you say it can be just as important.  

Other Involved Parties

You might also have to explain your limits to others who are involved.

In this scenario, you could say to your husband that you are not responsible for his mother’s feelings and neither is he.

Communicate Early in the Relationship

You need to communicate your boundaries from the first date

Establish Consequences


Once you have defined your limits, you will also want to define consequences for when those limits are broken. If the other person continues to violate your boundaries, what then?

Set Your Consequences Ahead of Time


Consequences should be chosen prayerfully—and ahead of time, so that you’re not making a decision in the heat of the moment.

You May Get Resistance

This may cause

  • The other person to drawback
  • Tension
  • Conflict

Follow Through on the Consequence

If you state a boundary and then you don’t do the consequence they have less reason to respect the boundary in the future

Once you’ve made a decision, stick to it.

  • Don’t make excuses for their behavior.
  • Don’t rationalize it because of your feelings for the person
  • “They didn’t mean it”

Example: college boys pickup before the club

  • Give you 3 minutes to get out before leaving without you

What are some examples of consequences for the discussed boundaries?

Emotional distance

Sometimes the only way to show the other person that your boundaries are real is to create space until they are ready to deal with the issue

This might mean removing yourself from an emotionally harmful situation

Emotional distance is a temporary barrier to give your heart the space it needs to be safe. It is never a permanent way of living. If you have been in an abusive relationship you should wait until it is safe and until real  patterns of change have been demonstrated for you to go back.



Boundaries are like fences, not brick walls.

While it’s important to stick to the boundaries you’ve decided upon, you might not need to stick with them forever, and there may be exceptions.

Hopefully, once other people see that you’re serious, they might start changing their behavior.


If you see change happening you might loosen your boundaries

Seek Counsel

You could also seek counsel about the situation

be careful that you’re

  • Not gossiping
  • Not trying to turn people against the offender.
  • Not just venting your frustration

Be discreet and seek to get input

Get support

Creating boundaries always involves a support network